After the Visa: When the Honeymoon Phase Fades
- Lina Gabbaoan
- Apr 6, 2025
- 3 min read
Updated: Dec 1, 2025
The Quiet Reality of Love, Life, and Loneliness After Moving Abroad for a Relationship
You did it.
The visa got approved.
The reunion hugs were real.
You moved your life for love, maybe with children, maybe with nothing but hope and a few pieces of luggage.
And now… you're in the kitchen, or in your shared apartment, or walking through quiet streets in a foreign city, wondering:
“Why do I feel so alone?”
This part?
No one prepared you for.
The Aftermath They Don’t Talk About
Most people think the biggest challenge is getting the visa.
And sure, it’s a lot: documents, interviews, proofs of love.
But the deeper work begins after arrival:
Adjusting to your partner’s rhythm and routine;
Feeling like a guest in your own home;
Not knowing the language, the grocery brands, or how the transit system works;
Realising that all your dreams of "finally being together" don’t stop the everyday conflict;
Feeling guilty for missing home or not feeling as happy as you “should”.
Love Doesn't Erase Identity Loss
When you migrate for love, you may also be quietly grieving:
A career you left behind.
The independence you had in your own country.
Your ability to earn money, express yourself, or even argue in your own language.
The version of yourself who felt capable, confident, and free.
Even in the best relationships, this loss can feel suffocating.
You might find yourself:
Feeling emotionally dependent or “too needy”.
Walking on eggshells, afraid to “ruin” the relationship after they did “so much” for you.
Losing your voice, your energy, and your joy.
This isn’t ungratefulness. This is unprocessed grief.
“I Thought Things Would Feel Different By Now”
Many of the women I work with share a moment when they realised:
“I moved my life… and now I feel more alone than ever.”
They question if it’s their fault.
They wonder if maybe love isn’t enough.
They start doubting their instincts.
And they feel guilty talking about it because others might say, “At least you’re lucky to be in Europe”.
But emotional pain isn’t healed by location.
You can be in a beautiful country and still feel heartbreak every day.
You Are Allowed to Miss Home and Yourself
You’re allowed to:
Miss your mom, your best friend, your cuisine or your language.
Feel resentment even when you're in love.
Crave an emotional connection beyond your partner.
Grieve the version of you that felt stronger and more alive.
This doesn’t mean your relationship is failing.
It means you’re human. And your needs matter, too.
What Can Help?
If you’re in this stage, here’s what can help you start to feel whole again:
Talk to someone who gets it, who won’t minimise your feelings.
Begin writing or journaling what you're experiencing (honestly, without editing).
Rebuild emotional independence by connecting with your values, hobbies, or goals.
Gently ask for more emotional intimacy from your partner (or name what’s missing).
Explore whether your loneliness is circumstantial or rooted in a deeper dynamic.
When You’re Ready for Support
This “post-visa” phase is the most overlooked and the most emotionally fragile.
I offer Post-Visa Emotional Support Coaching to help you process:
Culture shock
Identity loss
Relationship confusion
Emotional dependency
Self-worth in a new environment
Whether you’re in the Netherlands or anywhere in Europe, your experience is valid.
Let’s talk gently about where you are and what you need to feel like yourself again.
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